The Meaning of Communication is the Response that it gets.

Have you ever had a conversation and walked away thinking well that was a waste of time, they just don't get it! 


The realisation that the success of my communication could be measured by the response that I got was both daunting and empowering.
Daunting because I thought I was a really good communicator, a good listener and it is so much easier to blame the other person. Can't they see reason....Why can't they see my point of view?... Every time I received a negative response, I would walk away frustrated, angry or just plain bewildered. How did we end up there? 


We all know that communication is more than the words we speak. 
The often quoted statistics based on the research of Albert Mehrabian are:
7% of meaning in the words that are spoken.
38% of meaning is paralinguistic (the way that the words are said).Tone, pitch, rhythm
55% of meaning is in facial expression, body language

So if you are not getting the response that you want from a communication what can you do?

This is the empowering piece. As we know we can't change anyone else but we can change the way we communicate. 
This requires reflection. 


These are some of the questions I ask myself.

What outcome do I want? Clarity is important.

What are the facts?

What are my emotions around this discussion? What am I saying to myself. Self talk has a way of showing up.

So although you might be saying one thing, what you really think is also being heard, seen or felt. 

Am I open to listening to another point of view.

How am I going to keep on track and obtain an acceptable outcome for all parties?

Poor communication is at the heart of most arguments,disagreements and bad feelings. 

There are some great books " Crucial Conversation Tools for talking when the stakes are high" Patterson et al

"Fierce Conversations" Susan Scott 

NLP has focused my attention on how I communicate. what is working and where and when I need to try out a new strategy.
I now understand that communication is the response that I  get and this is useful to me.